Another chocolate celebration

The second semester of my post-graduate certificate program in Human Resource Management is officially in the books and I have all of my final marks! 14 weeks, 3 courses, 28 chapters read, 21 discussion assignments, 16 individual assignments, 1 group project, 3 tests, 2 final exams, and 1 capstone assignment. I was initially going to take four courses, but when I saw the workload for the three courses that I decided to complete, I chose to drop the other course and take it in a future semester.

If I'm honest, it was a really challenging semester. The combination of winter + pandemic + strict lockdown restrictions + curfew + social isolation + online school was not a good combination for me, but I survived and learned so much. Looking back, there were a couple of things that really sustained me and helped get me through it.

One of those things was being a part of the most amazing team for a group project and becoming friends with the other team members over the course of the semester and our numerous Zoom calls. The other was the opportunity to participate in several Zoom group discussions that were organized by the College, also with an incredible group of people that has supported and stayed in touch with each other. I'm thankful for community when it was most unexpected.

It was definitely time for another chocolate celebration, so Hal and I finally had a chance to go to Chocolat Favoris, our chocolate and ice cream shop of choice since 2020. 💜 And now it's time to move on to the spring/summer semester, which starts tomorrow.

A team that supports and protects

This past Thursday at 5:00 pm the Quebec government announced a tightening of the pandemic restrictions in Montreal, specifically that the curfew would begin at 8:00 pm instead of 9:30 pm starting on Sunday. The announcement part of that press conference was over by about 5:20 pm, but the ensuing chaos was just about to start.

Hal was at work that day and on his break when the announcement was being made. We spoke briefly on the phone just after the announcement was made, and then he went back to work. When he came home that evening, he recounted to me story after story of just what that chaos looked like where he works and in other stores in the area.

For me, the result of the government's announcement was an incredible sense of heaviness and despair knowing that our entire schedule would change once again. Our daily schedule depends a great deal on Hal's work schedule, which currently depends almost entirely on the curfew, so every yo-yo change to the curfew requires us to readjust and, since we had just gone through that a few weeks ago, I wasn't looking forward to doing it again.

For others, the result of the announcement was apparently uncontrollable amounts of frustration and anger, even to the point of rage.

In the pharmacy where Hal works, they had to deal with customer after customer yelling at an employee because the customer couldn't find the product they wanted or needed, even when it was sometimes just a bit farther down the aisle or there was a very simple solution to finding it. In the pharmacy down the street, such chaos erupted in the Canada Post outlet that the store manager had to close it completely for the evening. The manager from that store then walked down the street to talk to the manager of the store where Hal works to see if the same thing was happening there. Sadly, it was...

The incident that Hal and his co-workers had to deal with that day that reduced me to tears, several times - when I first heard it and every single time I retell it, was the one that involved Nathan (not his real name).

Nathan is about 15 years old, he just started working at the store, and this is probably his first job ever. Thursday is the day that the store receives its weekly order, so there's a lot of stock to be unpacked and put away. Nathan was on the floor in one of the aisles restocking the shelves when a man in his 30s walked into the aisle and started yelling at him. Hal heard the yelling, dropped what he was doing, and went to see what was going on. When Hal got to the aisle, a 6'3" man was yelling and pointing his finger at Nathan, who is about 5'3", while Nathan hung his head and shrunk back. Hal immediately put himself in between Nathan and the man, gently pushed Nathan back, and asked Tiffany (not her real name) to take Nathan downstairs through the elevator and to call the store manager.

After the store manager talked to Nathan, he went upstairs to deal with the man. Hal was still in the aisle with the man, essentially keeping him from going elsewhere in the store. The store manager came into the aisle behind Hal and told the customer to get out of the store or he would call the police. The cosmetics manager, who was nearby and had heard the commotion, picked up her cell phone, punched 9-1-1 on the keypad, and asked the store manager if she should call. The man decided at that point that he would leave the store and they escorted him out.

Nathan was pretty shaken up, so the store manager called Nathan's mom and asked her to come pick him up. When she arrived, the store manager walked Nathan out of the store to his mom's car and briefly spoke with her before they drove away.

I was so angry when Hal told me this story. A grown man in his 30s essentially verbally assaulted a 15-year old worker in a store. It is never acceptable to assault or abuse any employee of any store, but hearing about what that man did to a terrified teenager is just heartbreaking. The store should really press charges against that man.

After I recounted the story to a friend the next day, I said that I hoped that Nathan remembered how Hal, Tiffany and the store manager had protected him and taken care of him, and not what the man had done. Hal told me that day when he got home from work that Nathan had come back to work. When the store manager saw Nathan, he told him that he didn't have to be there if he didn't want to be (which is also what he had told Nathan's mom the evening before when she came to pick him up).

Nathan's response to the store manager was that he had wanted to go to work that day because he felt safe and protected there. (cue the tears again) Tiffany was standing nearby and, when she heard Nathan's response, was so moved that she started to cry and had to run into the employee room to get a kleenex.

Hearing that part of the story brought tears to my eyes again. I am so glad that Nathan did remember how his co-workers had protected him and taken care of him and that he felt safe returning to work. That says a lot about that work environment and the camaraderie and support that the staff of that store receive from each other, even through all the craziness and chaos that they have had to deal with over and over again throughout the past year.

In some cases, the pandemic has brought out the worst of people. In other cases, like in a pharmacy in Montreal, the pandemic has brought out the best of people and banded them together in a team that always stands by, looks out for, and protects each other.

The loaf of bread

Hal and I decided that it would be fun to make a calendar for 2021 using some of our favorite photos that we took in 2020, as a way to go through this coming year remembering the many blessings of a very challenging one. I took on that project and have had lots of fun in the past week going through all the photos that I took in 2020 and finding the best ones for the calendar. One of the photos that I came across this week was this one... a photo of a loaf of bread. It reminded me of the story that goes along with it and that I had meant to write a blog post about it two months ago, a plan which got sidetracked by all that school work. I decided that it would be a good way to look back on 2020 and to start 2021 because thinking about the story reminds me that hope goes far beyond what we can see before us with our own eyes.. Here's the story of that loaf of bread...

Hal came home from work one evening in early November with this loaf of bread in his hand. He works in a pharmacy and I'm not even sure that they sell frozen bread in the grocery section, so I was really surprised to see that he had come home with a loaf of fresh bread. It wasn't an expensive loaf of bread from a fancy bakery... it was just a simple loaf of white bread from a grocery store bakery. It was the story behind the bread that was so valuable and which brought tears to many eyes that evening, including mine.

A few weeks earlier, Hal had been at work and was doing something at the front of the store near the cash area when he noticed a woman standing at the cash counter who was upset and starting to cry, while a line started to form behind her of other customers waiting to pay. Hal asked the cashier what was going on and was told that the woman didn't have enough money to pay for everything and was trying to decide what to put back, which was a tough decision for her because they were all essential items. Hal asked the cashier what she had decided not to buy, looked at the woman and told her that he would take care of it, then told the cashier to put those items aside so that he could pay for them once the woman had bought what she could afford. And that's what he did... after the woman had paid for all of the other items, Hal bought the remaining ones for her. The woman was so grateful and, with tears in her eyes, thanked him and told him that she wouldn't forget what he had done for her. Hal told her not to worry about it and to instead pay it forward to someone else who needed some help in the future.

Well, that woman really didn't forget about what Hal had done. That day in early November, she came back to the store and asked to speak to the manager. The manager was called to the front of the store and responded to the call along with the assistant manager. The woman told them what Hal had done for her weeks ago and said that she had come back to thank him for his kindness and generosity. Hal was then called to the front of the store to meet the woman and to receive her thanks, along with a simple loaf of white bread from a grocery store bakery that she had bought for him. It's value and meaning were so much greater than an expensive loaf of bread from a fancy bakery.

The story brought pride to the heart of the store manager and tears to the eyes of the assistant manager. When Hal came home with the loaf of bread and told me the story, it then brought pride to my heart and tears to my eyes too.

2020 was such a difficult year for so many people, but one thing that struck me again and again throughout the year is the incredible kindness and generosity that brought people together to help those who were in need. I read and heard so many such stories throughout the year that touched me deeply and brought tears to my eyes again and again as I was overwhelmed by the lengths to which people would go to help total strangers. 2021 will certainly brings its share of individual and global challenges, especially since the pandemic is still far from being over, and I hope that we walk through 2021 with increasing degrees of compassion and care for each other, even total strangers.

A different kind of Christmas

I must admit that I really struggled with the idea of spending Christmas at home, just the two of us, and not being able to spend the holidays with other people. I struggled with my expectations for Christmas and the fact that they would inevitably not even get close to being met this year. But 2020 has been almost an entire year of either adjusting expectations or accepting unmet expectations, so you would think that we would get used to at some point...

In any case, we made the best of it and Hal was able to get part of Christmas Eve off and all of Christmas Day. We decided that having a Christmas tree wouldn't be possible this year because of our sweet and adorable bird who would have used it as either a perch, a chew toy, or a toilet ... most likely all three! We also didn't have a lot of money to spend. So, we got a bunch of empty boxes, a ton of free wrapping paper and ribbons that they were giving away at Hal's work (it was last year's stock - I'm still not sure why they didn't just sell it), a Little Debbie's display that wasn't being used, some stockings from Dollarama, and got creative! Here is the end result! It was actually quite cute! And some of the wrapped presents are actually real gifts that we bought for Belle and for ourselves.

Belle (our sweet, adorable bird) was absolutely terrified of it the first day that we set it up but, by the next day, had decided that it was a grand new playground for her! She loves tearing apart paper so she unwrapped the presents in the stockings and ripped Hal's name tag off of his stocking. She also threw the candy canes onto the ground, did a pretty good number tearing up the inside of the stockings (hence why we didn't spend a lot of money on them), and had lots of fun crawling all over everything! It really only looked as cute as in the photo for about a day, but Belle had fun with it and we had some really good laughs while watching her.

Hal bought a bunch of Lindt dark chocolate balls, which he knows that I love, and hid them all around the apartment for me to find on Christmas Eve while he was at work. In the beginning, I must admit that I was not amused at having to do a scavenger hunt but, once I had come across a couple of them, decided that it would be fun to find the rest.

Christmas Day ended up being a rather warm (for Montreal) but rainy day, with not a spot of snow on the ground. We went for a long walk together and were greeted by the happy faces of other individuals, couples and families who were also out for a walk and to visit at a distance with friends. Hal then made an amazing Christmas Dinner of turkey, mashed sweet potatoes, roasted broccoli and my mom's sunny sprouts recipe with brussel sprouts, carrots and celery. The meal was so delicious! Here's the chef with his creation...

After dinner, we spent more than 3 hours talking on the phone with my dad and stepmom, FaceTiming with Hal's dad and stepmom, and FaceTiming with my mom. I'm quite sure that we haven't been able to spend that much time with our families on Christmas Day in quite a while!

Like most of 2020, it was a very different kind of Christmas, but we were thankful for the time that we got to spend with each other, the many laughs that Belle gave us as we watched her play on the Christmas decorations and talk and laugh (yes, she talks and has also learned how to laugh ... she will even laugh in response to us laughing), the smiling faces of strangers, really good food, and the great conversations that we were able to have with our parents. Christmas 2020 wasn't at all what we were expecting, but it was nonetheless a blessing!

Ice cream to celebrate

It seems like Chocolat Favoris is our chocolate and ice cream shop of choice for 2020's celebrations. Earlier this year, we went there for both of our birthdays and for our 5th wedding anniversary. This time, it was to celebrate that I finished the first semester of my post-graduate certificate program in Human Resource Management, the seven year anniversary of Hal moving to Canada, and the eight year anniversary of when we started dating.

My first semester of school is officially in the books! 14 weeks, 5 courses, 72 chapters read, 21 discussion assignments, 8 individual assignments, 1 group project, 1 course project, 19 quizzes, 6 tests, 4 final exams, 1 capstone assignment, so many new concepts learned... all done online. Phew, that was one intense semester of school! I truly have no idea what I was thinking in deciding to take 5 courses at one time, but I am only going to take 4 courses next semester, which will hopefully be much less intense.

I also got some free swag from the College and won 3 great prizes for participating in some of the College's events and contests!

Happy anniversary to us!

Our fifth wedding anniversary... the one that took place on a dark, gloomy, rainy day deep in the throes of the pandemic and Montreal's second lockdown.

Wow, it's been a really tough year and I'd be lying if I said that it's been easy for us to get through it or that our marriage hasn't taken some really hard hits along the way. It's all brought new meaning to the vows that we said to each other five years ago... for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health. This year has tested all of those vows in ways and to depths that we never could have imagined five years ago.

As we were trying to figure out what to do today to celebrate, since the combination of the rain, the pandemic, and the lockdown had left us with very few options and we really wanted to get out of the house for a bit, I was thinking about the days leading up to our wedding, which were also very cold, dark and rainy. But then, just as we were getting ready to head to the church to decorate for the ceremony and the reception and then do the rehearsal, the sun came out and the temperature started to quickly rise. The next day, our wedding day, which was also a Friday, was a beautiful, warm, sunny day with not a cloud in the sky.

I kept thinking about the visions that God had given me in the days leading up to our wedding day and as I was waking up that morning. I kept thinking about the amazing presence and power of God in that church during our wedding ceremony and reception... a presence and a power that literally changed the atmosphere in ways that I never thought I would see. And, for some reason, I kept thinking about the pictures that our photographer had taken of us in my dad's beautiful rental car, with the sun just starting to set behind us, and of the setting sun shining on the church where we had gotten married.

As Hal wrote in the card that he gave to me today, "you will always be mine, forever, through thick and thin." This year, more so than any of the other four, has tested what love and commitment really mean to us and how much we are willing to stand up and fight for this marriage. We're still standing and fighting, some days stronger than others, but we're not giving up.

So, happy fifth anniversary to us!

To celebrate, we decided to go to Chocolat Favoris to get ice cream and chocolate. I had raspberry sorbet covered with dark chocolate and hazelnut praline (oh.my.goodness... to die for... I think I found my favorite). I can't remember what Hal had because I just can't stop thinking about mine... haha! We had to eat them in the car since the seating areas in restaurants are closed off and it was raining outside, but it was still sooo worth it!

Afterwards, we went to a big mall that was nearby, wandered through the shops, and marveled at the longest line that we have ever seen for a store (it was for the Bath and Body Works and the line of people waiting to get into that store was absolutely unbelievable). I personally was most enthralled with the LEGO store. LEGO has certainly come a long way since I was a kid and I am seriously so tempted to buy some for us to play with over the winter! Then we came home, ordered delivery from our favorite Chinese restaurant and enjoyed a quiet dinner at home, complete with the weirdest fortunes ever. There's three because Hal got two weird fortunes in his cookie.

A simple but lovely anniversary celebration, pandemic style. 💕

Happy Birthday, Hal!

It is this man's birthday today!! This year has been so very hard but, through it all, he has been strong, courageous, and hard working. He has been devoted, encouraging, and loving. He has been fiercely protective of me as well as of his co-workers and his bosses. He has committed himself to going above and beyond to help other people. He has persevered through obstacles and difficult days. He has toughed it out through unbelievable leg pain that would have kept a lot of other people on the couch instead of at work. He has been disciplined in what he eats and has lost so much weight. He has found joy in the little things. He has never stopped smiling and laughing and bringing that joy to others. It has been a really tough year, but it has also been a year that has brought out the best of this amazing man that I am blessed beyond measure to call my husband.

He had a paid day off of work, so to celebrate we got out of the city for the day. We went shopping for some new clothes for him now that we've had to donate a lot of his old clothes because they're too big to fit him anymore, then went out for burgers at La Belle et La Boeuf and dessert at Chocolats Favoris. We ended the day with a FaceTime chat with his parents and brother. It was a good day! Happy birthday, Hal!

Since I cannot eat gravy anymore, I haven't been able to eat poutine for 3 years, which is a very sad reality because I really love poutine. Well, today I had a chance to eat a version of poutine that I can still eat! The fries are churro sticks, the cheese is marshmallows, and the gravy is chocolate sauce, all on top of a layer of vanilla soft serve ice cream. Wow - to say it was rich is an understatement!

Summer Staycation 2020 ... and the 7 things I learned from it

Hal and I decided in July that pandemic life had really taken a hard toll on both of us and that we really needed to take a vacation. We went back and forth and changed our minds so many times on whether we should go somewhere for at least a few nights or if we should just stay at home and do day trips in true staycation form. In the end, we decided that we weren't sure if we'd feel safe staying in a hotel and that we didn't want to board Belle, our sweet budgie, because she had gotten so used to at least one of us being at home most of the time and spending more time out of her cage than in it (I know, we are such suckers for her ever increasing cuteness... more on that in another post). So, we settled on staying at home and planning day trips, a spa day and balcony/hammock/pool days at home. Staycation 2020 was planned for the week of August 17.

That week of vacation has now come and gone. Most of it was amazing, but some parts were challenging and not at all what I was expecting. Through all of it, I gleaned some important insights... probably the first time that a vacation has taught me so much. Here are 7 of those insights and a video that I made from some of our staycation memories.

#1 - Rest is not found in a destination, but in a multitude of moments

I have always equated a true vacation and escape from the day-to-day with not being at home, but deciding to use our home as a starting point for each day meant that there was no ultimate destination for our vacation.

We really enjoy spending our vacations in places with a full kitchen so that we can cook our own meals, and it never feels like a chore to me to do the grocery shopping, cooking and dishes for those meals or to sweep the floor when it needs to be swept... but those things really did feel like chores to me during our vacation at home.

I struggled with being at home at times, because there was always something that needed to be cleaned... the kitchen, the dishes, Belle's cage and play area, the floors, etc. I wished so many times that we had gone away, but then I would go back to the reasons that we had decided to stay at home.

I eventually realized that being upset about having to do chores during our vacation that are a part of our every day life was taking away from the rest that I was finding in a multitude of other moments. We had amazing times of rest and rejuvenation during the days that we spent both away from and at home, and I finally saw that those moments of rest could exist in harmony with the chores that still needed to be done and that it was okay like that.

#2 - Every day can be a ______ day if you want it to be

Hal really wanted every day of our vacation to be a pool day (we live in an apartment building with a heated outdoor pool). His motto leading up to the vacation was "every day is a pool day" and we saw no reason why that wouldn't be possible since the weather in Montreal has been amazing all summer... really hot, lots of sun and very few days of rain. Then we saw the weather forecast for the vacation week... cool temperatures in the low 20s Celsius (low 70s Fahrenheit) and lots of days of rain.

Hal still wanted every day to be a pool day and so they all were, every single one... even when the temperature outside was cooler, it was windy and the pool water was really cold. It turns out that the concierge for the building was on vacation the same week as us and I think that either the heater for the pool wasn't working properly or that no one else really knew how to turn it on.

In any case, even when other people thought we were crazy for going to the pool and no one else had been in the water all day long, we went and we swam laps anyways and it was amazing... once I was in the water and swimming, of course, because it was really quite cold on some days and I just had to force myself to get in.

We could have let the weather stop us from making every day a pool day, but we chose not to and we're so thankful that we made that conscious decision. We had the pool to ourselves most of the time, we rediscovered the joy and peace of doing laps together, we built up our strength and endurance for swimming laps, and we are now looking forward to swimming laps together during the Fall in the indoor pool at the local aquatic centre.

#3 - Take the time to really listen to the perspective of others... it may end up changing yours

Tuesday's trip to the pool ended up being more of a conversation day for me than a swimming day. The lifeguard working that day was new to our pool, she hadn't really seen anyone all day long, and she was clearly longing for someone to talk to. Hal swam laps while I sat on the edge of the pool and talked to the lifeguard who had left her post at the lifeguard station and sat down in a sunny spot on the pool deck once we got in the pool, not so much to be on duty but to be within reach of a conversation. We talked about everything... her family, her country of origin, her studies, food, the pandemic, transportation, etc.

There was one part of that conversation that really stuck with me. I was talking about the challenges of living in an apartment building during a pandemic, because of the shared spaces and the mandatory wearing of masks in public spaces. I totally agree with the decision of the Quebec government to make masks mandatory and I now feel much safer when I am in public places, but I really struggled with the idea that the hallways, elevators, laundry room, gym, and indoor garage of our apartment building are considered public spaces, meaning that we cannot even leave our apartment without putting on a mask.

That said, the lifeguard's perspective on that really struck me. She is a student who lives at home with her family. They live in a house, which I would have thought would be heaven... no shared entrance or spaces, private laundry room, more space, a yard, etc. Her perspective was very different. For her, living in a house meant the bubble was even smaller, which was even more isolating, because you could literally go days without seeing anyone other than your family members.

It was then that I realized that those shared spaces (the lobby of the building, the bench outside the building where tenants will often sit and talk to whoever is going in or out of the building, the park across the street where tenants will sometimes gather, the laundry room, the pool, and even our balcony from which we can talk to people in the outdoor parking lot and the pool) are all sources of human connection, socially distanced connection, of course. How many conversations with other tenants have I had in each of those shared spaces over the last 5 months? I cannot even count them because there have been so many. I had been so focused on the negative aspects of those shared spaces that I had been completely blind to the positive aspects.

I'm thankful to that lifeguard for sharing her perspective and for the opportunity to change mine.

#4 - It's okay to grieve

I came across this post on Facebook one day during our vacation and I so needed to read these words.

Please remind yourself, the inexplicable sadness or exhaustion or irritation you feel these days isn't a flaw, it's your soul grieving all the ambiguous losses of living through a pandemic.

Your groans are grief.

And your grief is not pathological or a problem.

We have all experienced so many ambiguous losses over the past six months, some which are hard to even name. I needed to hear that it's okay to grieve in this time and that I actually need to so that I can release it from my body.

Grief is a seed that will grow you into someone who loves. Grief is an embrace that will wrap your losses into a story you can live with. Grief is a seat you can take to welcome the dawning of God's new world.

So, today, please remind yourself, your groans deserve to be named. And grief that is named and felt is grief that is released like a seed to grow a story that is good.

I think that I have too often fought my grief in the past six months, trying to ignore it or shove it down to a place where I couldn't feel it so much... but I felt it, my body felt it deeply, far more deeply than I realized. I struggled to find a "valid" reason for it most of the time.

I still so clearly remember the day that I found out that Belle's mama had died. I sobbed and sobbed and I didn't really understand why. I cried every time that I thought about it over the next few days. I finally wrote a blog post later that week to let out that grief and I cried so hard while I was writing it that it was sometimes hard to see my computer screen. I have often wondered since then why it impacted me so much. I now think that it was partly because I couldn't imagine the pain of losing our sweet Belle and partly because my body so desperately needed a reason to cry and to let out some of the pain of the losses caused by the pandemic.

One of the activities that we planned for our vacation was a spa day at the Polar Bear's Club. It was an incredible day. The spa is open from 10 am to 7 pm, and we were there from 10:20 am to 6:55 pm. We had booked one-hour therapeutic massages and we spent the rest of the time in the nordic baths. The tension that my massage therapist found, worked on and released from my muscles during the massage was unbelievable.

Like an allergy to nuts or gluten, our resistance to grief lives in our cells and is activated in our bodies. When the substance of sorrow shows up in your day, your body likely reacts to it like a threat. In a pounding heart, tense muscles, trembling hands, or trouble breathing, your brain shouts (without you realizing it), "Avoid!" "Keep running! This isn't safe!”

I read the Facebook post the day after our spa day, and I finally understood the connection between grief and what I have been experiencing in my body for the last six months. I need to remind myself that it's okay to grieve and to name those groans.

#5 - Radical acceptance is not defeat

I came across an online article during our vacation that was written by a science journalist on the roller coaster reality of living through a pandemic, the physical and emotional responses we are experiencing, and some tips for managing the ongoing uncertainty. It's a long article, but is definitely worth the read.

The author explains the concept of surge capacity, puts the pandemic into perspective as an unprecedented disaster, examines and puts into context the concept of ambiguous loss, and finally offers 7 pieces of wisdom for navigating life right now. The whole article is good and the pieces of wisdom are practical, but I really had an ah-ha moment when I read the first piece of wisdom - Accept that life is different right now.

That seems obvious, but I realized when I read those words that I had been fighting that acceptance not just throughout our vacation but since the pandemic began. Mentally and emotionally fighting against reality when that reality is not within my control to change is futile.

Maddaus’ approach involves radical acceptance. “It’s a sh*tty time, it’s hard,” he says. “You have to accept that in your bones and be okay with this as a tough day, with ‘that’s the way it is,’ and accept that as a baseline.”

But that acceptance doesn’t mean giving up, he says. It means not resisting or fighting reality so that you can apply your energy elsewhere. “It allows you to step into a more spacious mental space that allows you to do things that are constructive instead of being mired in a state of psychological self torment.”

Radical acceptance doesn't mean giving up or accepting defeat. That ah-ha moment drastically changed for me the last two days of our vacation, and the days since then. The chores, the weather, the plans that had to be changed and a few other things had left me feeling disappointed with our vacation at times and my thought process before reading the article was sometimes akin to the psychological torment the author describes.

While I was contemplating the concept of radical acceptance, the Serenity Prayer came to my mind. When I looked it up online, I found the full version of it. The shortened version that I knew beforehand is actually only the first verse.

God grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change;
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
As it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
If I surrender to His Will;
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life
And supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

Amen.

Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

#6 - It really is important to make the bed

Did your mom teach you to make your bed every morning? Mine did, but it may also have been something that was just innate for me. My mom tells a story of me making my own bed as a very young child, while I was still sleeping in a crib. My mom found me in the crib one morning and I was arranging the sheets and blankets and making my bed! I'm not even sure how I knew how to do that, but I guess I had learned from watching my mom.

As a habit, I still make the bed most mornings, but I got out of that habit for quite a few days while we were on vacation. Maybe it was my rebellion against doing chores while on vacation or maybe I was just being lazy. Either way, the bed got very, very messy!

I have heard lots of reasons both for and against making the bed in the morning and I was not particularly on one side or the other. I just grew up making my bed in the morning and, quite honestly, I think that the bedroom looks so much neater when the bed is nicely made. What I realized during our vacation was that, for whatever reason, I actually sleep better when I get into a bed that had been made instead of a bed that was a total mess. Interesting revelation!

I'm not even really sure of the reason behind it but now I know that, for me anyways, it really is important to take the time to make the bed!

#7 - When the rain comes and forces your plans to change, go with it and find joy anyways

As I mentioned, the weather in Montreal was really amazing for most of the summer and we didn't have very many days of rain, but that all started to change during the week of our vacation. It rained a LOT during that week and we had to change our plans numerous times to work around the weather since most of the day trips that we had planned involved being outside. In the end, we changed our plans so many times that we didn't actually get to do all of the things that we had wanted to do. But we were able to do other things on those days that we hadn't planned for and we were also able to just rest. We had no choice but to just go with the changes and look for sweet joy on those days too.

I really struggled through parts of our vacation because it wasn't always what I wanted or thought I needed. That said, I've also never learned so much during a vacation and what I learned is shaping me as I walk into the new season that September and the coming months represent for me and Hal, none of which was even a thought before the pandemic.

For me, our vacation was an interesting parallel with living through these challenging times. When 2020 started we had plans and we weren't expecting rain, never mind the torrential downpour of this year, particularly the past 6 months. When the pandemic started, I definitely didn't understand what it meant to live through such a crisis or how long it would last. I first thought that it would be over in a few weeks, which then turned into a few months. I was in sheer shock the first time that I heard the prediction that the pandemic could last for 18 months, and then two years.

I now hear and read a lot about building resilience and learning to live with the pandemic and its uncertainty. It's really uncomfortable to have our lives thrown into complete disarray and to live with constant uncertainty and change but I am slowly learning to go with it and to look for sweet joy in every day anyways. I am realizing that the joy is still there, albeit maybe a bit harder to find on some days, but that I will find it if I look for it instead of focusing on the rain.

Hal really enjoyed posting some of our vacation memories on Instagram, which gave me the idea to make a video out of those memories. When I was thinking about the song that I would use for the video, the first one that came to my mind was the song "Joy" by for KING & COUNTRY. I love the lyrics of the song, particularly this line because it encapsulates so well what I personally realized during our vacation: "The time has come to make a choice and I choose joy." Click here to watch the video of our summer staycation 2020 memories.

We finally found Tex!

Meet Tex, the newest member of our little family, named after the last three letters of its license plate.

Hal and I both laughed when we walked into the office at the car dealership this morning to sign the papers and saw the license plate for the first time. TXN ... Texan. We didn't even have to request a personalized plate - this one is perfect! Hal's family is from Texas, it's where we got married and we both love Texas. That car was just meant to be ours! We both always name our cars, but we weren't sure of this one's name until today. So, Tex it is! That name might be better suited to a truck, but how could we not with that license plate. 😉

We decided a couple of months ago to start looking for a used car. The realities brought on by the pandemic have resulted in some significant transportation challenges for us so, for the first time since moving to Montreal, we decided that it was time to get a car. Hal started talking to friends, doing research online and learning as much as he could about inspecting and buying a used car (and then teaching me what he had learned), and I must say that he did an amazing job in that process. In the past 8 or 9 weeks, we have learned so much about buying a used car.

Thanks to advice from a few of our friends, we were able to narrow down our search to a few makes and models and decided that we wanted to buy a used car from a reputable car dealership instead of a private seller or a used car lot. We also decided that we wanted a car with only one previous owner, no liens and no accidents. Thanks to the Car Angel, we learned how to properly inspect a car for damage that is not reported on the CarFax report, how to avoid buying a lemon, how to inspect a car for highway vs. city mileage, and so much more. And thanks to a good friend who used to own a car dealership, we learned how to talk to and negotiate with car salesmen and, most importantly, how to stay in control of those conversations.

It has been a very interesting process, albeit also much more time consuming and tiring that we had initially imagined, and the research and patience finally paid off when we found this car online and then went to the dealership a couple of days later to inspect and test drive it. After seeing a lot of cars that looked great online but, upon close inspection, were clearly less than desirable, this car was a blessing to find. One owner, purchased at the dealership, serviced at the dealership, traded in at the dealership, no accidents, no red flags, relatively low mileage, and in impeccable condition. This car was clearly very well-cared for by its previous owner.

Welcome to the family, Tex! We are looking forward to some new-found freedom and to exploring and experiencing new adventures with you. 😁

An anniversary and a haircut

Yesterday was the first anniversary of the day that we officially adopted our sweet budgie, Belle. A year ago, we rented a car and went out to our friend's house in Senneville to meet Belle for the first time and to bring her home. We already knew by the photos that our friend had sent us in the 8 weeks since she had hatched that she was going to be a funny character, and I remember how excited we were to be finally bringing her home.

I also remember that our trip back home was interrupted as we witnessed a scary accident on Highway 40. A few hundred feet in front of us, a vehicle hit the barrier on the right hand side of the road, flew through the air and flipped over onto its roof, slid into the middle of the road and then caused another vehicle to flip over. In shock, we stopped on the side of the highway to call 9-1-1 and help the people out of the vehicles that had flipped over. Thankfully, no one was seriously injured and we eventually made it home safely!

May 18, 2019 was certainly a memorable day and I still remember it all so clearly. Anyways, since it was the first anniversary of her adoption day, I watched the video again that I had made for her first hatch day on March 21. She's such a character and so funny and smart! She comes up with new sounds to make and funny things to do every week - she's such a joy to have as a pet! 💝

As for the haircut, well, Hal was seriously in need of one. The last time that he had gotten his hair cut was the week before the pandemic was declared... so, almost exactly 11 weeks ago! He decided that we would have to try doing it ourselves at home, so he bought some clippers at Pharmaprix last week and found some videos on YouTube for me to watch so that I would know (sort of) what to do. We took some "before" pictures and headed for the bathroom to try our first at-home "quarantine" haircut.

Before yesterday, I had never cut anyone's hair and I had never used a pair of clippers. It's a good thing that many other couples have had to do their own quarantine haircuts at home and were kind enough to make videos of the process and post them online! Some of the videos that we watched even included pretty basic instructional tips on how to use clippers, which is a good thing because, like I said, I had never used them before and honestly had no idea how they worked!

We started off with a larger guard so that I could get used to the feel of the clipper in my hands and get comfortable with moving it through his hair... and so that if I made a mistake, it wouldn't be disastrous. Once I was comfortable with that, we moved onto a smaller guard and on with the haircut. I couldn't believe how much hair came off of Hal's head - he has really fine hair, but so much of it! Here he is at a couple of different stages of the haircut...

I must say that it was kind of scary to be holding clippers in my hands for the first time and cutting my husband's hair. I didn't want to make a horrible mistake and send him off to work today with a weird haircut. I did it though and now understand that it would be pretty hard to totally botch up a haircut that is done entirely with clippers. The final result of the haircut is not perfect, but it's pretty good for a first try and Hal's happy with it.

So, the haircut is done and we've both learned a few things on the journey to get there. Who would have ever thought that something so seemingly simple as a haircut would be a source of stress and tension in a marriage. Maybe it wouldn't be for every couple but it certainly was for us.

When you combine a bit of fear from both people that is just below the surface and not really voiced, it can turn into a difficult situation. His fear that someone who has literally no idea what she's doing is going to cut his hair, since he doesn't want to end up with a horrible haircut and still have to go to work the next day. My fear that I am going to make a terrible mistake, because I have no idea what I'm doing, and give him a haircut that looks ridiculous. Add some pandemic stress and fatigue on top of that and you've got a challenging moment!

It's a good thing that no one has a video of our first at-home haircut experience, because it wasn't one of our finest moments and I definitely wouldn't want anyone to see that video. Photos can paint a picture that is only somewhat reflective of reality, and another couple's at-home haircut experience can be so far removed from your own.

Some of the couples that made the videos that we watched said that they had a blast doing their first at-home haircut. We definitely did not have a blast, but we got through it and hopefully learned more from the experience than just how to give a man a haircut, especially since it may need to be repeated again, depending on how long the lockdown lasts in Montreal and when the barber shops are allowed to re-open.

Grocery shopping, apple-berry crisp & an EI claim

Who would have ever thought 8 weeks ago that shopping at the grocery store or pharmacy would be what it is today... wearing a face mask, waiting in a long line of people all standing at least 6 feet apart, being asked health-related questions upon finally entering the store and then given hand sanitizer or directed to the hand washing station, walking around the store by following the directional arrows and standing where the signs indicate you are allowed to so that you can stay 6 feet away from other people at all times, searching in vain for the next best alternative for the products that are out of stock, and then finally paying for the purchases at a cash that is protected by plexiglass shields for the safety of the cashier. Hal does most of our grocery shopping, because I find it too stressful, but I had to go grocery shopping last weekend to get a few things and it was a traumatizing experience.

I have gone to Dollarama and the pharmacy a few times and it was actually wasn't that bad because the stores that I went to really closely controlled the number of people in the store at any given time and made sure that everyone knew to follow the directional arrows in the aisles. My experience at the grocery store that I went to was completely different!

The staff were not closely controlling the number of people in the store and they weren't reminding people to follow the directional arrows, so there were too many people in the store and it was total mayhem as people walked anywhere they wanted -- it was almost impossible to stay 6 feet away from other people. The directional arrows and footprints on the floor were incredibly clear, so I am not sure how people could not see them. There were also security guards walking around and reminding people to follow the arrows, but no one was actually listening to the security guards! At one point, one guy said to me that he hadn't seen the arrows... how that was even possible is completely beyond me. I was so stressed by that time that I just snapped back something about looking. 😖

As I was walking down the last aisle towards the cash, I passed the beer and wine section. I hadn't planned on buying any wine but it was on sale and I was so stressed that I did anyways. Wow, I have been driven to stress-induced alcohol purchases... yikes! I will say, though, that I bought that bottle of wine a little more than a week ago and it still isn't empty yet, so at least the stress-induced alcohol consumption is still under control. 😉

I never would have imagined that grocery shopping would be so stressful and that I would one day define "mayhem" in a grocery store as people walking anywhere they wanted! Well, that just reinforced my need for Hal to do the grocery shopping for us and for our elderly neighbors. I'll continue to take care of checking in with our neighbors every week and getting their shopping lists, disinfecting and repacking the groceries in clean bags, and getting their reimbursements for the costs... all things that I can do from the safety and calmness of home.

The reason that I needed to go grocery shopping was a good one though -- we needed a few things so that Hal could make his first foray in the world of baking. He made the most amazing apple-berry crisp from a recipe that he got from a friend. Oh. my. goodness. -- the crisp was so yummy that we ate half of it in one day! It was one of our treats for our weekend of rest and relaxation. Another was a delivery order from our favorite Thai restaurant... also so delightfully yummy!

One good thing that has come from the pandemic is that Hal and I really cherish those two days off of work that he has every week and that we can spend together without any pandemic-related source of stress. We have a rule that we don't go out on those two days except to go for long walks in our neighborhood together. There's no shopping or busyness or other people to stay 6 feet away from at all times... it's just two wonderful days of rest and relaxation and involves a lot of sleeping, particularly for Hal because he's just so exhausted by then, and watching our favorite shows together with a big bowl of freshly made stove-top popcorn. We're thinking that we might just have to make the delivery order from a favorite restaurant a regular part of the weekend treats too!

One thing that has come from the pandemic that was a horrible source of stress and anxiety was my EI claim. I filed the claim after my job ended at the end of January and it was approved in February, but then there was an issue that resulted from a report that I completed and my claim was put back under review as a result.

The initial review deadline was March 24, which was the week that the Canada Emergency Response Benefit (CERB) was announced and millions of Canadians started applying for it. The system was so overwhelmed that the review was not completed and it became almost impossible for me to call Service Canada to follow up. I tried calling for many days until I finally got through and was able to talk to someone. The review was escalated to the next level and a new deadline was set, but the review was still not completed by that date and I had to spend however many more days trying to get through on the phone line again. That whole scenario kept repeating again and again and the review kept being escalated to the next level each time... until I hit my breaking point last week.

I had spent all day on Tuesday trying to get through on the phone line, with no success. By the end of the day, I was overcome with stress and anxiety, I was having panic attacks and I was struggling to remember the many reasons to have hope that I had been focusing on just the day before.

I realized that I needed some help and breakthrough with the situation, so I put a post on Facebook asking for my friends to pray. That was Tuesday afternoon at 2:45 pm. On Thursday morning at 11:00 am, my phone rang and it was the agent from Service Canada who was assigned to review my claim. Half an hour later the review was completed and my claim was once again approved!!

Thank you, friends, for praying for me when I felt so unbelievably weak and thank you, Jesus, for moving mountains when Your people pray. God is truly victorious and with me, and He has already conquered every situation that could cause me to fear and be anxious. 💜💙💚💛

Messy thankfulness

Today is Day 42 since measures of quarantine, isolation and social distancing were put in place in Montreal, and I must say that life is really quite messy right now. It's just not the same messy for everyone. For me, I have good days and bad days and in-between days. Good days are ... well... good. On the bad days, I really struggle. In general, my level of fatigue is at an all-time high and my level of productivity is at an all-time low. I struggle with insomnia at night. I struggle to get out of bed in the morning. I struggle with having a feeling of daily purpose. I struggle with being alone for hours every day while Hal is at work. I struggle with the daily decontamination/disinfection routine that we go through when Hal comes home from work. I struggle with arming myself with a face mask and lysol wipes when it is time to do the laundry. I struggle to do any of the things that I could do in the apartment right now.

I came across this article and broadcast recently on why people may be feeling so exhausted right now. It's interesting and talks about how the velocity of change that we are experiencing has upended our entire lives, taken away our habits, thrown everything into disarray, and made it such that the right decision is no longer obvious when it comes to something as simple as going to the grocery store... which quite frankly is exhausting. That said, it also talks about how this time can be an opportunity for us to slow down, be patient, allow ourselves and other people to make mistakes and be forgiven, and look for ways in which the future after the pandemic can bring about positive changes to our pre-pandemic lifestyles.

Slowing down, being patient and forgiving, looking for the positive... I'll add being thankful to that list because I have been thinking a lot about thankfulness recently. A friend of mine is doing a 365-day gratitude challenge. She is doing it on Facebook so, every day, she writes a post about what she is thankful for that day. As of the day of this post, she is on Day 244. Even though life is so messy and hard right now and so many of our freedoms have temporarily been taken away from us, it doesn't mean that our reasons to be thankful have also disappeared and it encourages me that she has continued her daily gratitude posts. Her daily sources of thankfulness have certainly changed, but she can still find a reason to be thankful each and every day.

As I shared in an earlier post, one of the first photos that Hal and I took together was in a Caribou Coffee in Denver, Colorado. In that coffee shop, there was a chalkboard filled with the various expressions of those who had been there to enjoy their drink of choice. I cannot remember if there was a specific topic for the writings on that chalkboard, but I think it was pretty random and open. Hal and I added our names to the board. 💕 The board was messy and there was writing all over the place and in every direction and in every color, but you can still see our names and they still stand out.

It was in thinking about our current situation and that chalkboard that I started thinking about "messy thankfulness". I realized that thankfulness can be really messy these days because it means looking past the struggle, the anguish, and the fatigue to find a reason for gratitude. There are still lots of reasons to be thankful, but they're a bit... or sometimes even a lot... harder to see in the midst of such struggle.

That's when I came up with this idea for a gratitude project for our home. I bought a large piece of poster paper, some colored markers and found a place to post it in our apartment so that we can see it every day. Every day, Hal and I are each going to write something on it for which we are thankful that day. It will obviously start out as being easy to read, but will become messier with each passing day as we will eventually have to look for places to write or just write on top of something else with a different colored marker.

This will be my daily reminder that thankfulness is possible in the middle of such a mess... and that messy thankfulness can be a beautiful thing.

What are you thankful for today?