A gentle reminder to myself on the eve of round two

The second wave of COVID-19 is hitting Quebec hard and the government has ordered Montreal and the surrounding areas, as well as two other regions in the province, back into measures of confinement for at least the next 28 days.

It has literally taken my breath away to hear about the businesses that must close their doors again, that restaurants can once again only be open for take out or delivery orders, that indoors or outdoors social contact with anyone who doesn't live at the same address is banned and subject to hefty fines, and that travel outside of the region for non-essential reasons is restricted and also subject to fines.

I went for a walk this afternoon and, as I put on my headphones and started walking, had to remind myself to breathe. It was then that I realized that I felt an intense heaviness on my chest that felt like it was crushing and suffocating me. I thought of this post that I had come across on Facebook in the summer and reminded myself that the fatigue, irritation and sadness of the last couple of days is grief for the imminent losses that will come with the restrictions that take effect tonight at midnight.

So, I remind myself to breathe, to take a deep breathe, and then another one, and to just keep breathing.

I remind myself to have extra doses of grace for myself and Hal, and everyone else I will come in contact with, as we all adjust to and cope with another period of confinement.

I remind myself to listen to my body and to give it what it needs when it needs it.

I remind myself that it's okay to cry and to let out the grief and frustration.

I remind myself that it's okay to not be okay.

I remind myself that, while this may seem like reliving a horrible nightmare, we got through it once before and can get through it again.

I remind myself that we are going into round two with the strength, resilience and knowledge that we developed while living through round one.

I remind myself to laugh, to smile, to find joy in every day, to be thankful, and to never give up hope.

I remind myself of one of Hal's favorite sayings, that "while we do not know what the future holds, we do know the One who holds the future."

I remind myself that, "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end." (The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, 2011 movie)