It has now been almost two and a half weeks that my grandma has been in the hospital, two and a half weeks during which I have made many journeys to and from the hospital and spent many hours visiting her, talking to her and getting her whatever it may be that she needed at the time. If I'm honest, it has been challenging and draining to juggle that along with all the other demands of life right now, and there have been times when I have been so tired and overwhelmed that I just wanted to cry. I honestly don't think I have ever experienced anything quite so draining as sitting in a hospital room for hours and I don't even understand why exactly that is.
There were times when I would have loved to just stay at home and do what I needed or wanted to do, but then I would hear the ever more so exhausted voice of my aunt (who has spent infinitely more hours at the hospital than I) and offer to give them another break so that they too could go do the things they needed or wanted to do.
I suppose that it is always in times of crisis or need that we realize the importance of supporting and being there for the members of our family. I don't think that I expected to receive anything from all of this... I just saw the need and felt convicted that I needed to do something to help, regardless of the cost and sacrifice. I was wrong about not receiving anything though, because I have learned some incredibly valuable truths, all of which basically come down to the blessing and importance of being family.
In the midst of everything that has happened in the past few weeks, I am so thankful that I wasn't walking that road alone. It is amazing how much it means to know that people are praying for you (and to actually physically, mentally and emotionally experience the effects of those prayers), to know that people care enough to check in with you regularly to see how things are going (in every respect), and for those people to really listen when you talk (or cry) about what is going on... to just generally feel like people are walking beside and with you, no matter what. It might not be of the blood relation type, but these people make up an adopted family, so to speak, that we desperately need.
And then there is what I have learned from my almost daily interactions with my natural family. I know that my aunt and my grandma are grateful for the hours that I have spent at the hospital, although the reception of accolades or gratitude was never the motivation behind any of it. Despite the difficult circumstances, I honestly enjoy the incredible amount of time that I get to spend talking, laughing and just doing life (the "in the hospital" version) with my grandma. Beyond that, I didn't expect much else in return. Today's visit proved me wrong...
At this point, my grandma's moods can change almost from one moment to the next so, even if I get an update on how things are going from the last person who visited her, that doesn't mean that I won't be greeted by an entirely different scenario when I arrive at the hospital. Most of time I am greeted with a smile and a cheerful "Hi Sarah", but sometimes the greeting is not quite so happy, and sometimes it is just a grumpy and frustrated one.
Today's greeting was somewhere in the middle of that scale... not necessarily cheerful but not completely unhappy either... but I could nevertheless tell that something was wrong. Shortly afterwards, her dinner was delivered, the nurses/orderlies adjusted her in her bed so that she was in a comfortable position to eat and slowly her mood started to improve. While she was eating, she began to talk about what it was that had happened in the afternoon (a visit from a social worker after my aunt had left) that had gotten her a bit down, although she didn't clearly state it that way until much later on.
This was obviously something that was troubling my grandma, so I decided to call my aunt to let her know about the visit. I didn't know it at the time, but it was probably the best thing that I could have done because that conversation cleared up some confusion/misunderstanding for my grandma, about which she had been thinking all afternoon. Soon afterwards, her mood completely changed and she was laughing and smiling again.
As I was getting ready to leave, I was standing beside her bed when she held out her hand for me to take, as she said in the sweetest way how thankful she was that I had come to visit today. She then went on to explain why she had been feeling down when I arrived and how that one call that I made to my aunt regarding the visit from the social worker had clarified something for her that had really been bothering her. I have never known my grandma to be someone who really expresses her emotions so the memory of what may seem like such a simple gest, but yet so full of meaning to me, brings tears to my eyes to just think about it.
Some deeper realization of the blessing and importance of the relationships among family has become clearer and clearer to me over the past few weeks and, today as I was walking home from the hospital, it's all I could think about. I'm sure that I have unfortunately taken for granted the members of my natural or adopted family more times than I could count. I can't actually find the words to adequately express the depth of what I have been shown over the last few weeks, except to say that I am realizing how much I need my family and how incredibly blessed I am by these relationships. To be able to serve and to be served by this family has a value without measure.
And I'm sure that the memory of the many, many things (some very funny and some not so much) that have come up during these bedside conversations with my grandma will stay with me for quite a while... that is how much they have meant to me, no matter how challenging and stretching this period has been and still is.
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